My Friend, Kat

Everyone remembers the first time they met Kat Creag. This is the kind of person she was: simply unforgettable. For me, it was a few years ago at my daughter’s back-to-school night. Her youngest and my oldest were in the same preschool class that year. Of course, I had already known who she was, but officially meeting her took place that night. I’ll never forget the group of moms she was standing with all laughing and smiling. I knew I wanted to be laughing and smiling with them too. And as I got to know Kat, I looked up to her so much. To see firsthand how she always had it together on seemingly no sleep and with a smile, how she navigated a demanding career with odd hours while raising three kids (I already had four of my own and could relate), how involved she was with the church and school - ALL with an amazing attitude. She was an inspiration to me. 

That year she arranged for the class to take a tour of NBC Studios. How awesome for our kids! We danced the night away at the school Spring Benefit, and we had a blast celebrating our children’s preschool graduation with a fun family celebration at Five Mile Stone. One of the very first texts I ever received from Kat was a thank you for sending her our family’s Christmas card, and she sent one to us too. Receiving a Christmas card from Kat was like getting a big warm hug. Much to the recipient’s surprise, she wrote personal notes on these cards. How did she find the time? 

My friendship with Kat blossomed early last school year. We were chatting at pick-up about some information I had just sent out regarding Daisy Girl Scouts since Josie was in the troop I was co-leading, and it was brought up that the Brownies needed another leader. Kat was considering it and wanted to know if she was crazy to do it. I knew at that moment that she definitely was going to do it because she had already come that far in her thinking, and I knew the type of person she was. We bounced meeting ideas off each other, we volunteered to attend council meetings to pick up cookie packets and cookie rewards and all this other nonsense that somehow got squeezed into our days.

Kat and I worked together to plan a trip for the Daisies and Brownies to go to Rocking Horse Ranch for a weekend in March. Our group expanded to include Juniors as well. As a kindergarten mom, I had no idea about the gravity of this event. The planning started early in the fall, and I ended up doing the bulk of the administrative work (which I was happy to do since I am good at that sort of thing). We ended up with over 100 people attending this trip! Imagine the paperwork. February 3rd was a Girl Scout Meeting day. That morning, I received this text from Kat, “Hey, lady, happy birthday to your twins! I’m always level 1000 on GS meeting days. 🤯 Just checking in - for my own curiosity - if you need anything, assistance or otherwise for Rocking Horse Ranch?” Even while running at level 1000, she stopped to think of how she could help me.

The next month, Kat volunteered at our Daisy meeting. I understand the need to feel like you are treating your children fairly so of course, it came as no surprise that even though Kat was leading the Brownies, she still took to the time to volunteer for a Daisy meeting so she could be there for Josie. Who would have known that it was going to be our last meeting of the year?

As we approached March 27th, Kat helped connect me to the other moms who had the CPR certifications we needed to get our insurance approval for our trip. Throughout this process, Kat was always so thankful and gracious about my leadership, offering that I “should run GS headquarters.” Such a cheerleader she was. Then a few weeks before the trip, we learned that no leader attending had completed the required overnight adventure trips training. So I signed up to spend an evening in Queens at this training just two days before we were scheduled to depart. When Kat found out, she volunteered to attend too because (in her words) “The more the merrier. Sleep is for the birds.” 

Well, we all know how March 2020 went down. And despite our trip’s postponement and eventual cancellation, Kat and I still attended the first-ever Girl Scouts of Greater New York virtual overnight trips training. And as such, Kat also joined me in my first ever quarantine zoom happy hour (more like 3 hours)! I had my hard cider and she had her Bloody Mary. I’ll never understand why she volunteered to do that training with me, but deep down guess I do know. She was a great friend, and she didn’t want to stick me with this unanticipated task to do alone. And she was right; I was thankful for her companionship that night.

During the early days of quarantine, I had posted about my love for Andrew Cuomo which she must have noted this as hilarious because during his press conferences I would get texts from her with funny GIFs about him. And this is something that I especially loved about Kat and something that I believe we have in common. She remembers what people tell her. She listens when people speak to her. And she makes connections and isn’t too shy to let you know that she is thinking about you. How funny is it that she saw the governor on TV and that made her think of me? And then on top of that, she didn’t ignore the thought, and instead took it as an opportunity to reach out and say hello. I will cherish this and remember to let my loved ones know when I am thinking about them, no matter how silly the thought. 

As quarantine dragged on, she did awesome things like organizing a Zoom birthday party for Josie in early May. She proudly reported on our church’s ability to live stream its masses. When riots had taken over NYC, I checked in on her at night to make sure she was safe. Her response the following morning always brings a smile to my face: “Lady! You’re sooo sweet to think of me. Work actually called to see if I could work last night. For a Home Goods grand opening, yes. For violent riots, no. Meanwhile, I need to physically train for riot coverage. Seriously. I don’t think I could keep up with protestors running, even elderly protestors. I’m great with quarantine news.” Followed by a GIF of a woman flailing her arms while running, similar to how Phoebe runs in Central Park if you’ve seen that episode of Friends. Kat always knew what to say to bring a smile to your face and turn concern into comfort.

Around this time, I had come to terms with the fact that working full-time from home while also caring for four young children without our nannies was taking a toll on me. I stepped back from work and started a blog as an outlet for my creative energy. Kat was such a supporter. Not only did she purchase items I had recommended, but she even shared the love on Instagram and tagged my blog with a shout-out. Completely unprompted. But this is who she was. She loved her people and lifted them up however she could. 

Fast forward to the fall, when she learned that I had taken the role of Executive Director of NYC Mammas Give Back, I received this message: “CONGRATULATIONS! Is there a website? Maybe WNBC can do a story on it 🎥” Again, immediately thinking of how she could be helpful. What a gift she was to me, our community, and to this world. 

I was abruptly woken up one night by a loud explosive sound followed by smaller but still loud crackling sounds. Impossible to go back to sleep. Michael and I went to our balcony to witness a giant hole on our street with fire shooting up through it. Fire trucks were everywhere but also kept their distance. Our balcony was closer to the fire than the trucks. It was so loud, and we wanted to know what was going on and what to do. I jokingly posted on Instagram that we were getting a portal to the upside-down from Stranger Things. If you know Kat then you know she loved that show, and low and behold at 3:45 AM, Kat messaged me that the Demogorgon was coming OR maybe it was just a manhole fire. She was in Brooklyn at the time covering another story but assured me that all should be okay, and warned us that we could lose power. She was a calming presence as we chatted during an intense night. 

Last week, we planned to distribute Girl Scout tote bags with all of the badges from the end of last year. I had finally gotten my stuff together to get Girl Scouts back up and running. That morning, Kat sent us an email, “First of all... I miss you both!! When will we get back to normal?! Sooo I’m filling out a profile on the BAND app. Did I miss any payments?? Is there a registration fee for Daisies Girl Scouts?? I’ll see you all on the church steps after school today. THANKS!! xoxo Kat Gafner, Josie Gafner’s mom” 

She was always making me laugh. I love that she felt the need to point out that she was Josie’s mom like we didn’t know who she was. But that says so much about her too. So proud of her children. Such a good mom. 

After school, it was wet and freezing and just terrible out. We handed out the tote bags as best as we could. Kat arrived smiling in her beautiful burgundy coat, and she was not in a hurry to grab Josie’s bag and go. So many of us were happy to be gathered again, with some hope that things were slowly getting back to “normal.” We chatted about how Gemma was now a Junior Girl Scout and brainstormed about a plan for getting Juniors back up and running. Kat was going to work on making it happen. Then before she left, she looked at my pile of bags and wanted to know whose bag she could take with her to distribute so I would not be left with a large stack to take back home. She grabbed a couple and she left. That was my final interaction with my friend - still helping me out in whatever way she could. 

The next day was February 10th. I know that she was texting with other moms about Girl Scouts and all of the virtual events that had been set up. She was coordinating the delivery of the bags she took from me to pass out. She even said something about me: “I think Sylvia must secretly be triplets because she gets so much done and juggles so many things at once!” What an honor to know that this is how she thought of me, especially considering she was my gold standard. I will forever carry this tremendous compliment close to my heart. 

Well, Kat, if I am triplets then YOU are quadruplets. May all your angels carry you home, my dear friend. Meanwhile, I'll be here, carrying out the plans we made and keeping the joy of our memories fresh in my mind. And in a blink we will be together again squeezing as much into our heavenly schedules as possible.  

To Bill, Jack, Gemma, and Josie: THANK YOU for sharing Kat with us. Her light continues to shine through all that you do, and I am so thankful.

DEATH IS NOTHING AT ALL

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.

All is well.

Nothing is past; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before only better, infinitely happier and forever we will all be one together with Christ.

Henry Scott Holland